Growing up, I struggled with anger and frustration. I was always mad and easily triggered. The slightest action, or comment will set everything in me on fire. I didn’t hold back. I lashed out. At times, I was kicked out of the house for days. I was yelled at and threatened. As I grew and came to terms with this problem, there are things I wish would’ve happened differently.
I was young, I didn’t know why nor did I understand why I was so angry. Was it my past? Was it generational? Was it pain? Was it lack? Was it depression, or loneliness? Or, was it not having a perfect home with a father. Not being in tune with my emotions, I constantly reacted badly!
Oftentimes we misuse and abuse our way of helping and disciplining others. Sure, discipline is needed. The Bible even says that by sparing the rod, you spoil the child. So, yes discipline is necessary. However, I cannot help but to think and realize how getting “hit” not only made me more furious, and made matters worse, but it didn’t solve my anger issue at all.
When I begin to grow, so did my relationship with God. And one of the first things God revealed to me was my anger. I broke down. I didn’t want to be angry, but I was. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. “Lord, what is wrong with me?” I asked. It wasn’t until the Lord began to heal me from feeling worthless, from being depressed, from the emptiness of not having my father, from generational curses of lust, words curses spoken against me, and how my emotions often took over me, that anger and I broke up!
Yes, life brings temptations that cause us to become angry, but with prayer and freedom from bondages, not only am I able to cast it away and not entertain it because it is no longer in me, but I am able to also subdue it, and control my atmosphere!
You are not an angry person! You will not always be mad. You are full of joy, happiness, and peace. You have a sound mind! And there is so much more for you that you wouldn’t believe it if I showed you. God hasn’t forgotten about you!
An important thing that I remember is that though God showed me my anger, He never called me an angry person! He never spoke ill of me. But He told me to work on it. He didn’t leave me in the pit of my flames alone. He worked with me, in order to help me overcome. He stayed with me and spoke to me, in order to calm me down. He was never too far out of reach. He showed me my wrong and pointed me toward what is right. He didn’t give up! Neither has He given up on you!
I’m sharing this because God HIMSELF said that it is your turn! God is leading you out! He is purging the pain, guilt, shame and hurt out of you. You are a strong being, and weaknesses are far away from you. It’s time to heal. God is healing you!
Tips that helped me:
1: Not being around people who could easily bring the worse out of me. Not giving negative people access to my emotions.
2: To overcome frustration, I would often open my Bible and read it, in order to help me keep calm, and IT WORKED! I allowed the Bible, the good Word of God, to speak to me. I no longer recited the words my frustration, or the thoughts they brought forth, but I began feeding myself with the good and perfect Word of the Lord! It brought me peace in my mind and stability.
3: I prayed. I let it all out to God. I didn’t hold anything back. From the tears to specific words I prayed to God, I held nothing back. I then sat quietly on my knees in His presence quietly, until I slept. I allowed God’s love, goodness and mercy wipe the tears of my heart and eyes away, giving me comfort, control and peace.
4: I walked away. The more you stay in a polluted environment, where arrows are thrown at you, the more you are to lash out. When the conversation becomes heated, give it a breather. Walk away and cool off.
5: Weigh your options. Is it worth it? Is the person worth it? Do I want to sin? Do I want to lose my peace? Do I want to have to feel guilty and repent for what I promise to God I’d control? Repentance is very vital. You must hate to disappointment God. I wanted to be able to do better, because I knew I could with the help of Christ. And if it was possible to control it, I wanted to always have the will and desire to do so, as God has given us the power and authority to do so! I wanted to be able to tell God with the Help of the Holy Spirit, “I did better and overcame today” instead of telling God that the pressure and person was real, so I had to unleashed on them. God is a good God. He is quick to forgive. Just don’t think that because He is willing to forgive, you can live as you please. God cannot be mocked. He can serve justice and judgment.
6: Talking to a trustworthy friend. Venting. The more you hold in, the more fire builds within. A fire that starts within always makes its way out. Therefore, use a fire extinguisher to help you burn it out. Talk to someone; a pastor or friend, or get counseling.
I learned how to discern situations.
I learned how not to perceive every comment and suggestion as a threat. Before I respond, I evaluate the nature of the conversation. “Were they saying this to hurt me, or help me?” When dealing with anger, we tend to become sensitive to offense. Someone can mean well, but we take it as an attack. Not everyone is against you. Not everyone wants to offend you, or change you. But if you have ever dealt with someone who has struggled with anger, perhaps just as bad as you have, you will absolutely desire for them to be healed from it. Not everyone has to be attacked, or deal with your anger. Just as you feel that you have a very thin line, so do they. Respect has to be reciprocal.
It may feel and seem like everyone is against you, but God is rooting for you. No word curses spoken against you shall prosper! God is for you. He wants what is best for you. He will bring people around you who have good hearts, and a Godly nature to help you overcome. In fact, many of us already have such people around us, but our grudges and resentment will not let us accept their help.
You may not realize it now, but there are more for you than there are against you.
God understands! Not only are you not forgotten, but you are not alone!